I stood at the kitchen sink sobbing at 2am.  

I hate going to bed with a dirty kitchen and my kid just fell asleep.

Nothing was accomplished today.  I folded clothes and washed dishes and kept my daughter out of my husband’s hair while he was working but I didn’t DO anything.  I felt like a bad mom on a number of occasions. 

I cringed when I passed any mirror. 

I checked emails and made lists, I tried but I didn’t do anything.

I know we’re all in the same boat but it feels really lonely to feel so helpless.

My job feels like it’s putting out fires.  Bailing water out of the boat.  Keeping us all alive.  Making sure my husband can work and do the things he needs to do.  Making sure the preschooler is having fun and not feeling anxious or overwhelmed.  Keeping the laundry from souring and knowing when the milk will run out.  Finding the keys and the mermaid tail.  Knowing when to be quiet.  Keeping the peace when all I want to do is scream.

I finished the dishes but I didn’t finish the kitchen because I couldn’t.  I laid on the couch with no blanket and quietly cried myself to sleep.  Is this the way it will be forever?