Boy, I wish I knew then, what I know now.
I became a mom serendipitously. It was an accident, but that’s not fair to any of us. I didn’t accidentally become a better person over the last four years; I cried and doubted and failed, I laughed and persevered and succeeded. I became a better person because I *made* a better person. She dared me to be better as so many people in my life have done. I’m so grateful and such a jerk.
Being a mom is so hard and it’s so easy. How can a thing that almost killed you make you fully alive? How can you be so completely unqualified and still fashion a small person into something so interesting and good? How can blinding frustration come from the same thing that brings such pure joy? How can this magic be mine? I have no idea.
I don’t deserve the fortune I have found so painfully yet effortlessly but I’m going to go ahead and keep betting because life is weird and I feel very lucky to have created this one.
Happy Mother’s Day, losers.