I’m so bored. Like existentially bored. It happens every now and then and generally doesn’t have anything to do with my happiness or quality of life. In fact, come to think of it, it usually happens when everything in my life just fine, if not pretty good.

Every time I feel this way I take on a new project. Last time I started an MBA. The time before that got a puppy when my daughter was only 1yo. It’s like a temporary lapse in sanity, in order to help me *feel* something– I’m looking for some purpose.

*Now, this is when my mother would tell me that I need Jesus. She’s worried about my soul, but I think my soul is okay right now. (Sorry, mom)*

So what do you do when you don’t feel like you have a purpose? Me? I start searching for it EVERYWHERE

Small sampling of unfinished projects in search of inspiration/purpose/SOMETHING:

I’m VERY good at not finishing projects that I start or just taking my sweet ass time. I’m still working on my MBA. My puppy is an asshole who has made my backyard basically unusable in his neverending search for earthworms. I have a stack of at least 10 books on my nightstand that are half finished. I started painting my kitchen cabinets 2 years ago. I have a closet full of half painted canvases from my phase as an artist. The sewing machine I *needed* has been used, once… maybe. Quilting, crochet, gardening. The list goes on. It is a seemingly endless cycle of starting things because I’m feeling bored and I need to be inspired. It works, for a time.

I thought that I wanted to be a graphic designer. Turns out I have no interest in being a graphic designer. I have talent but I have no passion. Honestly I’m not sure I even have talent; I have some technical skills and I have an ‘eye’ as they say, but apparently to be an artist of any kind, you need passion and passion is what I don’t have. Not for that anyway. I don’t want to endlessly edit your stupid brand identity. I’m so bored. How boring.

I don’t think this is unusual (though it does seem a little crazy to see it in words) but I don’t think we talk about learning and growing up when we’re supposed to already be grown up. We all need to figure our own shit out in our own way, and my way just happens to be in a perpetual cycle of high hopes and big ideas that get lost in a sea of mothering, wifing, life, and eventually becomes discouragement and self-pity/loathing/depricating.

AND THEN! Insult to injury, my brain shifts from I’m so bored to maybe I’m just boring. I used to be interesting. I used to be endlessly optimistic about the fact that I would certainly run the world someday.


I have big ideas but I don’t wanna sell anything I don’t want to sell your face cream and I don’t want to sell your weight-loss shakes and I don’t want to be a life coach I just want to be myself and inject a little humanity into whatever fucked up world I’ve created for myself. I feel like the struggles that I have are more relatable than they seem and maybe people just aren’t talking about it. Your kids are all precious in your professional photo shoot’s Sunday best and clearly your wonderful parents aren’t we all doesn’t change the fact that it’s hard as shit and nobody’s talking about it nobody’s talking about the meltdowns we have in the shower or as our kids are falling to sleep finally after two hours or when you’re living on three hours of sleep and a goddamn prayer nobody is talking about it and when you do talk about it it turns into a whole bunch of oh yeah that’s so true you’re so right why don’t we talk about it more but no one ever does so I’m here as a millennial mom on my lunch break sitting in the parking lot of the park watching people golf telling you that it’s hard as shit but if we talk about it at least we have each other and that something so whatever big ideas I had for a Mommallennial I don’t know but I’m going to start here and put my real talent which is being a smart ass and nice sentences to use and write about it and maybe that will help my mental health maybe will help your mental health maybe it will just be putting it into the void which is also pretty important sometimes but whatever it is it’s this by millennial I will figure it out together. Or not. Whatever read it don’t read it I’m sure you’ll have opinions you always do I’m not here for your opinions no that’s not true I am here for your opinions just don’t be a dick and if we can all do better to just not be dicks to each other maybe the world wouldn’t be so hard