There is nothing more infuriating than getting to the end of an Instagram post and realizing that it’s a fucking ad for some bullshit because you want to get paid to be an ‘influencer’.  Is that a job now? If my daughter ever tells me she wants to be an influencer when she grows up I’m going to LOSE MY SHIT. I get it. Y’all are cute and you’re working the system and gettin’ that money, honey. It just… it makes everything feel yucky. It makes me feel yucky. Does it even matter to try hard if authenticity doesn’t mean jackshit?  This isn’t the way this system is supposed to work, is it?

I used to listen to these inspiring #ladyboss podcasts until I realized that they are all just trying to sell me a fucking masterclass and then I vomit into the void where your souls used to be BEFORE YOU SOLD THEM. GAHHHHH. 

I want to tell my story out loud (ya know, on the internet, typing from my bathtub — fucking get over it) to people who can relate. I don’t want to sell you anything except community. And while I might buy your face cream because I support you and you’re a dang good salesman, I will NEVER join your MLM so please, for the love of god, STOP TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOUR COMMUNITY.  I don’t want to work for you.  I want to support you but YOU ARE MAKING IT SO HARD!  Stop making it so hard, y’all.

Don’t you just want kind people that relate to you and sometimes make bad jokes and drink too much?  Don’t you want people who are honest with you and will tell you when you’re being a dick?  Don’t you want to be a real person, for better or worse?!  I do.